THE FRIDAY FIVE: TOP FIVE WORST THINGS IN MODERN ERA LIVE ACTION COMIC ADAPTATIONS

March 4, 2016 By

It’s Friday! Time to once again count down in the world of nerd with The Friday Five! This week, the top five worst things in the modern era of live action comic book adaptations!

Comics! Superheroes! We are living in a golden age of nerd, with movie theaters and TV screen filled with comic book adaptations and other geek content. In the dark times, people were so happy to just see an attempt made that things like Superman using his chest emblem as a giant cellophane trap for villains was completely overlooked. Nowadays we are spoiled and we demand a higher level of content. Not everything can be as amazing as Iris on The Flash, but here is a list of five things that are absolutely crap.

5) Agents of SHIELD is kinda terrible for the first half of season 1 – Agents of SHIELD

Poor Agents of SHIELD. It came out of the gate with a ton of hype and promptly kinda fell on it’s face. For 11 or so episodes it was OK to meh, and the Marvel haters online (who are always waiting to pounce at a moments notice) jumped on it with savagery unbridled. While it was good to meet the team and get to know them as characters before the twist of Captain America: The Winter Soldier turning the concept on it;s head, it’s pretty hard to ask people to stick around through a “Jacks Tattoos” from Lost level of episodes, including the god awful evil ghost on the plane or whatever the fuck that was with Fitz and Simmons playing a prank on Skye. Now, in my opinion, the show has course corrected and is a blast to watch. It reminds me of a better version of Saturday afternoon syndicated shows from the past, also set in the MCU. Too bad, someone made a dumb decision to come out of the gate firing blanks.

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4) The Thing is naked – Fantastic Four (2015)

God damn. Fantastic Four is terrible and was the hands down winner for the worst movie of 2015 on the podcast. We have a long history with this colossal turdbomb including Fox Studios threatening to sue us  for discussing it’s behind the scenes drama. (lol wut) In a film filled with terrible ideas, bad wigs and basically being AIDS for your eyes, one thing stands out. THE THING ISN’T WEARING PANTS. HE’S FREAKING NAKED FOR THE WHOLE MOVIE AND HE HAS NO GENITALIA. No one at any point says “Hey bro put on some shorts or something.” Dr. Doom, who was able to find the only cloak store in an entire desolate alternate dimension, couldn’t have rustled him up some capris or something? We can only hope some day that someone will write a book about the making of this piece of trash.

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3) Oliver’s terrible flashback wig – Arrow

Take a second and look at that picture. Jesus fuck. That god damn wig. In season one and two of Arrow, the use of flashbacks to fill in the back story of Oliver being on an island was interesting and helped to move along the plot. Yes, he had the terrible wig seen below, but at least it was entertaining. As we moved into season 3 the flashbacks were utter shite, and the wig grew in power of shittyness. Every time the show flashed back, not only were the flashback stupid, that god damn wig was there to remind you of how dumb it was. Thankfully season 4 retired the wig. Not the now useless flashbacks (FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP SHOWING OLIVER IN DANGER IN A FLASHBACK HE CLEARLY DOESN’T DIE IN THEM OR THERE ISN’T ANYTHING TO FLASHBACK FROM) but at least he got a haircut. God damn that wig is terrible. In a choice between Laurel and the wig, I choose Laurel. I would choose Olicity over the wig, it’s that bad.

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2) The Flash VS bees – The Flash

Let’s just get it out of the way, The Flash is freaking awesome. Unlike our friends up the page at SHIELD, it had a very strong first season. The problem with a lot of shows, is that a network show is 22 episodes. So while a cable show can run a short tight season, a network show sometimes runs into needing filler episodes. The Flash is usually good about at least making them fun. USUALLY. In season one we got a special guest appearance by Beth from the Walking Dead as The Bug Eyed Bandit. Let’s ignore that she’s a terrible actress. Let’s ignore that and focus on the fact that she fought The Flash using the power of a swarm of bees. Bees represented by some of the worst CG since the Rock turned into a monster at the end of The Scorpion King. So, we get scenes of Barry flailing away at cg bees. It was freaking embarrassing. While not as bad as Oliver’s wig, the fact that season one of The Flash is so good makes this crap cupcake stand out even more.  Beth from the Walking Dead is the one villain I hope never gets out of STAR Labs illegal prison with no bathrooms in the cells. No seriously, how do the bad guys in the STAR Labs prison go to the bathroom? Do they just go on the floor and then Cisco cleans it up? What if Jay had to clean it as he was the new guy? Do the cells on Earth 2 have bathrooms? These are the questions of our time.

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1) Pa Kent’s advice – Man of Steel

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Good lord, do I hate Man of Steel. What a giant piece of crap this movie is. This movie is like when you have to listen to someone who doesn’t know anything about comics talk about them and they act like they are the expert and you can’t say anything because you’re trying to be polite but you are screaming on the inside because they are so wrong. Of ALL the things just wrong with the movie, the WORST has to be Kevin Costner as Pa Kent. Superman is an alien kid and hey, he lands on a farm and the Kents raise him to be a wholesome person. NOT SO FAST 75 + YEARS OF COMICS. This Pa Kent is an asshole. Clark saves a school bus of classmates from drowning. PA KENT SUGGESTS HE SHOULD HAVE LET THEM DROWN RATHER THAN BE SEEN SAVING THEM. Are you freaking kidding me? Don’t worry, this dude is hardcore on his stance and decides to die in a tornado instead of letting Clark save him. Wat. With parents like this, is it any wonder Superman thought it was OK to let approximately 9000 people die in the final battle of the movie? Kind of an asshole Pa Kent takes his place in the pantheon of ass with Emo Venom Spider Man dancing, Alicia Silverstone Batgirl and all of Blankman in things that are bad in superhero movies!

And that will do it for this weeks Friday Five! Don’t forget to leave us feedback or suggestions for future lists on social media or at sowizardpodcast@yahoo.com!

We will see you next week to countdown in the world of nerd on The Friday Five!