THE FRIDAY FIVE: TOP FIVE AWESOMELY BAD HORROR MOVIES
It’s Friday! Time to count down in the world of nerd with The Friday Five!
This week as we all get ready to celebrate Halloween, let’s get spooky and count down the Top Five Awesomely Bad Horror Movies!!!!
There’s something special about a great bad movie. The utter failure combined with genuine effort makes a combustible combination that produces some of the best comedy around. This isn’t the crew winking at the camera in Sharknado, this is really bad, really awesome, and really funny. Just as a disclaimer, I decided to leave out movies that were made infamous from appearing on Mystery Science Theater 3000, so if you want even more badness go check out Hobgoblins or Manos: The Hands of Fate. Now, let’s get on to the list!
5) Master P is Don’t Be Scared
90’s superstar rapper Master P decided to make a horror movie. I really shouldn’t need to say more than that. In case you still weren’t sold, it’s also shot like a porno, has a ghost who has NOTHING to do with the plot, and features some of the worst sound mixing in the history of recorded film. Oh, and 40something year old Master P is cast against type as a college freshman. This makes R Kelly is Trapped in a Closet look like Citizen Kane. Don’t take my word for it, try and make it through the trailer without laughing yourself to death or pouring bleach in your eyes!
Lindsay Lohan has become something of a folk hero on our podcast, for her smokers’ voice and terrible career decisions. In this bad movie classic, Lindsay is a woman who is kidnapped and tortured worse than the audiences who watch her films. When she’s rescued, she claims to be someone completely different. That’s right, it’s the best acting portrayal of twins since Jean Claude Van Damn is Double Impact! With a plot that barely makes sense and paparazzi visible in the background of shots in the film, you will understand why this was nominated for more Golden Raspberry awards than Battlefield Earth! Check out the trailer, with extremely bored voice over!
This movie is amazing. This movie is terrible. A god awful band travels to a town to perform and instead find themselves murdered. After they are resurrected, they must do battle against HITLER, HIS WIFE WHO IS A WEREWOLF AND LOCAL PERVERTS . I really can’t even describe it, you need to experience it for yourself. Conceived as a comedy, there is nothing funny about the script, but the acting, not so special effects and terrible music will certainly have you laughing! After all of that, then the directors’ name is misspelled in the credits. Try and watch this trailer without rocking out or throwing your laptop out the window….
Let’s stay with the theme of metal music. In the 80’s, it was a big thing to consider metal the devils music and try to ban records and songs. Thankfully, this movie is here to show the kids how to fight back!
A young metalhead (played by Skippy from Family Ties) is distraught over the death of his favorite musician and thankfully a local DJ has a special record of his last recording. When Skippy plays it backwards, his hero is resurrected! Together they take revenge on all the mean kids at school who bullied him for being a metal fan…..until Skippy realizes that there are evil plans in the works! This movie is pure 80s. It’s hilarious and terrible. Bonus points for Gene Simmons and Ozzy stopping by in cameo roles. Also, the soundtrack is awesome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2Iv2vVIqng
Uwe Bolls bad movie masterpiece is based on the Sega video game. You know this because there is footage from the game randomly spliced into the movie for no apparent reason.
Some annoying teenagers decide to go to the “biggest rave of the year” on a deserted island and then when they show up, everyone is missing. Turns out zombies are attacking people on the island! There’s an evil guy in a cloak who wants to….well…I’m not really sure what he’s doing. But he sure is evil!
This is literally one of my favorite comedies of all time. Unfortunately, it’s supposed to be a horror movie. The biggest rave of the year has literally 15 people at it. I’ve seen it over 50 times and I still can’t accurately describe the plot. It has an original theme song by the band Snap. It features my favorite dialogue in all of bad movies: one of the heroes confronts the guy in a cloak and asks why he wants to achieve immortality. His response? “To live forever!” Well, no shit.
Horrible acting and lots….lots….LOTS of Matrix style camera work await you. Highest possible recommendation for an awesomely bad movie!
And that will wrap up this week’s Friday Five! As always, feel free to leave us feedback in the comments below or on social media and send along you suggestions for Top 5 lists to sowizardpodcast.com!
Stay creepy this year and we will see you next week for another Friday Five!
